‘What we found horrified us’: My elderly relative mistook charity envelopes for overdue bills — and gave thousands to other family members

As a millennial, it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten physical mail. I had no idea that my relative would have been receiving solicitations daily from charities they had long ago given a small donation to. These letters featured a large, bolded red font and looked identical to overdue bills. My relative had been sending thousands of dollars to these “charitable organizations” and to other relatives.

We were also very lucky to find out just in time about signed documentation on one of those deed schemes before it was mailed. Had it gone through, our relative would have quickly been homeless. When we asked the police, they explained that fraudsters comb obituaries, Veteran Affairs notices and hacked email lists related to AARP-like services, and maintain a curated list of vulnerable individuals.

Our situation was the perfect storm of chaos. Another tip we have is that any individual in a home can sign up for the informed delivery service from the post office to help track and preview what pieces are coming into the home before they arrive. We sadly had to remove our relative’s checkbook, but switching their Social Security to direct deposit was a game changer, as some checks had gone missing.

We had no way of knowing whether they were stolen from the mailbox or just lost in the vortex. 

Lesson Learned

Related: ‘She’s still waiting by the phone’: My grandmother gave her life savings to a man she met online. What now?

Dear Lesson,

Charities requesting donations, scam artists and dodgy relatives represent a triple threat for someone who is suffering from dementia.

Big red letters on an envelope are supposed to get your attention. There is awareness within the graphic-design community that such envelopes can easily be mistaken for bills. For this reason, the red lettering is hard to justify. In addition, while some charities put their logos or names on the front of the envelope, others relegate that information to the back.

There are other tricks and/or techniques graphic designers may use for charity envelopes: a cursive font to make the missive look more personal; an envelope that resembles an invitation to a gala or wedding rather than a request for money; a smaller, squarer envelope that stands out from the rectangular bills. Even if it’s not opened, the envelope itself is a form of marketing and promotion, increasing familiarity for the next time.

Even the stamps can be used to charm the receiver and grab their attention. For charities that use first-class postage, some direct-mail experts recommend using large commemorative stamps to make sure that the fact that a stamp is there is not lost on the recipient. They may also use teasers on the envelope rather than flagging outright that they’re asking for money. An elderly person, especially one with dementia, may be confused by such mail.

Junk mail is the bane of many people’s lives, and I wish more people kept a closer eye on their vulnerable or elderly family members. It’s a concern for someone living alone, for whom this kind of engagement can be very powerful and take on more meaning than it would for a busy family. Greenbook, a market-research company, estimates we receive an average of more than 900 donor requests per year via mail as well as email. The U.S. Postal Service has its own guidelines for direct-mail envelopes.

Direct marketing standards

It’s important not to conflate legitimate charities who do good work with bad actors and/or more opportunistic fundraising. The Direct Marketing Association, which represents the industry, promotes ethical standards for marketing practices. “We hold our members to a stricter code of ethical standards that, in many cases, goes above and beyond legal requirements,” the organization says. “To ensure that companies are marketing to you in a fair and honest manner, DMA has a formal complaint handling committee to enforce DMA guidelines.”

“If you wish to reduce marketing and nonprofit promotions, you can sign up for DMAchoice,” the trade group adds. “One option is that you can get your name removed from most national mailers. You can also choose specific organizations/brands you would like to hear from, or not hear from.” Its member principles include guidelines and pledges to “clearly, honestly and accurately represent its products, services, terms and conditions.”

The Association of Fundraising Professionals also has a code of standards for members. They include, but are not limited to, the goal to “practice their profession with integrity, honesty, truthfulness, and adherence to the absolute obligation to safeguard the public trust; put philanthropic mission above personal gain; demonstrate concern for the interests and well-being of individuals affected by their actions; value the privacy, freedom of choice and interests of all those affected by their actions.”

Deed scams targeting the elderly

Whoever is managing your relative’s affairs should also look into the relatives who received money and ask them why this happened. This is another concerning aspect of your letter, as it suggests a threat to your relative’s finances that could be ongoing. If someone received thousands of dollars from your relative, they will no doubt come back for more. I assume they are either visiting her in person or calling her on the phone, which means that monitoring her mail may not be enough to stop these possible bad actors.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation last month warned that quit-claim deed scams were on the rise. This kind of fraudulent activity takes many forms: The criminals could create phony documents to sell land that doesn’t belong to them, pocket the money and disappear or, in your relative’s case, target someone who still lives in their home. It’s brazen, and yet it’s remarkably straightforward for scammers.

Evans Law, a firm with offices in California, outlines some of the warning signs. They include unfamiliar bills in the mail; a caregiver, friend or neighbor asking a senior to sign legal papers; phone calls or emails from unfamiliar mortgage lenders; major changes in utility bills; stopped property-tax bills or notices; or a notice of default or other out-of-the-ordinary loan documents.

Nearly 7 million Americans have Alzheimer’s disease, which is one of many forms of dementia. Nearly two-thirds of people with Alzheimer’s are women. “As the size of the U.S. population aged 65 and older continues to grow, so too will the number and proportion of Americans with Alzheimer’s or other dementias,” the Alzheimer’s Association says. By 2050, the number is projected to reach 12.7 million.

The National Institute on Aging outlines several signs that a person is no longer able to look after their own finances, including “trouble counting change, paying for a purchase, calculating a tip, balancing a checkbook, or understanding a bank statement.” A family member may eventually file for what’s called durable power of attorney to enable them to make decisions on the person’s behalf when should they become incapacitated or otherwise unable manage their affairs.

Those who suspect an elderly relative is being scammed or is at risk of being scammed can contact the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 833-372-8311 or their local legal services or adult protective services: Visit the Eldercare Locator or call toll-free at 800-677-1116. You can read more here about preventing scams. The Financial Industry Regulatory Authority also has this guide.

You can also file a report with the Internet Crime Complaint Center, a division of the FBI. Other resources include the National Center on Elder Abuse, a government agency affiliated with the U.S. Administration on Aging, and the nonprofit National Adult Protective Services Association. All calls to the organizations are confidential.

Your story is a good reminder that elderly people are vulnerable to scams that are carried out by old-fashioned mail, in addition to phishing via email and phone.

Related: ​​‘I’ve yelled, screamed and cried’: My mother gave $400K to online scammers. She still gives them Apple gift cards. What can I do?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:

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